With the dawning of the new day tomorrow, I will pass over 42 years on this lovely planet and I can honestly say that I have sauntered up to it with a slight pensiveness that has accompanied these last few days. My shoulders tightened, slight irritation churned in my gut and various emotions ebbed and flowed within me. I suspect this apprehension is what comes with the perceived acceleration of time’s passage. After all, as far as I know, this is the only show before the final curtain.

“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

Anonymous

Forty-two is well past the age I could imagine being when I was a teenager. I have a vague memory that it was 35. Thirty-five seemed very, very old when I was younger. It was the precipice beyond which I could imagine nothing. Would I be married? Have kids? Would my body be falling apart? Would I be famous? (For some reason, it was very important to me that I be famous, which is more than a little amusing as I think about it now). I find it surreal, as in my mind I am still 20. I certainly don’t feel older and I most definitely do not act older. Anyone who knows me knows that when an adult is being sought, I am always looking around for someone “more adulty” than I. If you and I are ever in a situation where I am the “voice of reason”, we are in BIG trouble.

42+1=OLD

At 42, I can admit freely the things I like and the things I don’t. For instance, I really don’t like loud music or going to concerts where I have to stand up the whole time, I don’t like going to bars or clubs (it’s never been my scene), I don’t like being in amongst large crowds (I can be in front of 10,000 people, speaking, but not IN them) and I really, really don’t like silence. I absolutely cannot stand people who are genuinely unkind, uncaring, unloving.

Last year at this very time, I sat just hours away from slipping off the mantle of being able to see my 30s in the rear-view mirror and I can tell you that since that time, I’ve had the satisfying experience of realizing that being in my 40’s … isn’t really THAT old. It’s not even really considered to be “midlife” anymore now that humans are living to almost 88.5. See, I can save my midlife crisis for 50 now!

“You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.”

John Grier

In this, the fourth decade of my life, there are now definite principles that guide all of my relationships (both romantic and platonic). In the most recent decade, I was both completely devastated by the loss of what I had perceived as life-long friendships and my spirit was completely renewed by others that have showed me that love, trust and respect can be genuinely present without a 30+-year shared history.

Do you know that “Happy Birthday” was composed in 1893?

I have realized that you really have to know where you stand with people and don’t sacrifice morals or values just to maintain a relationship. Also, quantity VERY rarely means quality. True kindness, generosity and goodness goes a long, long way … so treat people right. Keep your inner-circle small. Accept that some relationships may go out with the tide. Sometimes there may be someone to blame, but in most instances it is the natural course of that particular relationship. It took some time for me to realize that people can enter and exit your life and there is nothing you can do to salvage it. I found it comparable to grieving a death. Was it devastating, most certainly … was it life-altering, yes … did I live, of course. It helps to abruptly adjust your overall perspective of your life.

“Statistics show that the more birthdays you have, the older you get.”

Stephen Taylor

These days I am also holding on to other things with a fierce grip, like: holding on to time spent with friends and family, cherishing every shared moment with my mom and dad, as I know those precious times are numbered and letting people I love know that I love them every chance I get.

To me, forty-two means knowing less and less about the mysteries in life, but understanding more and more about what is important to me. It is trying to be more deliberate toward mindfulness of actions and coming to terms with knowing that more years are behind me than could possibly still lie ahead. It is about giving thanks for every little thing and learning to focus on what is, instead of what isn’t or what could have been.

So, for fear of losing whomever made it this far during my rambling … I will leave you with this:

While I liked the unfamiliarity of turning 40, I’m not going to throw myself a pity party for 42. I’m going to do whatever the hell I want, go wherever the hell I want, without having to worry about impressing anyone and revel in the finite time ahead of me that is still left to live … only now I have a much greater appreciation for how fast it all goes by and will cherish the moments I have with those that are taking this ride with me.

“Kindness is a gift everyone can afford to give.”

Unknown